The Bean’s Beer

Yup, you read the title right! Of course it wasn’t real beer but….

We went out to dinner last night because of a special church service we were attending and let’s face it, I love any excuse not to cook and all-you-can-eat pizza is a gold mine for my mob. My mom and I are sitting at the table with The Bean and she makes the mistake of letting him have a sip of her root beer which set off a full-blown juice is gross and I want Me-Me’s drink in my cup fit. I weighed my options – 1) say no and watch this progress to full on crying, refusal to eat, I have to remove my kid from the restaurant tantrum OR 2) say yes and everyone can calming finish eating, including myself. Yep, I am that mom and decided not to fight this battle and told my mom to let him have some in his cup so we can all finish dinner peacefully. The added benefit was that I could actually eat and we would still be on time for church.

The Bean was super happy and was just being disgusting adorable. I made the comment to him, “Are you happy Me-Me gave you root beer?” Every heard a toddler talk? The pick a few words and repeat them, like “Me-Me gimme beer.” Yup, that’s right, The Bean being super excited starting yelling, “Me-Me gimme beer!!” As if the do-good moms sitting around us were not already appalled at the fact that my family takes up two booths, my boys laugh loud and and can 4 large pizzas by themselves, NOW the toddler is yelling that we gave him beer. I don’t know what was funnier; my mom’s stunned face at his repeating phrase, the shocked looks on all the other parent’s faces, or the fact that my boys thought it was the coolest thing they had ever heard. I couldn’t help but laugh and continue to enjoy my dinner (which was warm and that is something that doesn’t happen to often for me!)

It gets better. My mom and MT (my 13-year-old) left early for church since they are in service and I am rounding up the remaining members of my mob when The Bean starts freaking out for his beer!! He is yelling, “I want beer!” and I couldn’t figure out why he was yelling until I realized we had left his cup on the table. I did try to correct him and told him that is his cup but he still called it his beer. I am heading to church and all I can think is he is going to start going on about beer in his childcare class. Great – NOT!!!!

I did rinse out his cup and filled it with water before checking him into class, saying a silent pray that my son would not start screaming for beer. When I picked him up no one said anything, but then again, even if the Bean had said anything they would probably chalk it up that he is one of my mob and nothing surprises anyone when it comes from my kids. Although once we were home and settled and I was relaying the story to the hubs he asked The Bean if he liked root beer. To which my wonderful troublemaker replied, “I like beer!”

I calmly looked at the hubs and told him, “That’s your son!”

My spring break

So it’s spring break. Now spring break for me is no longer the relaxing, blowing off steam, beach break it used to be pre-motherhood; it is now a week where I have to figure out what the heck I am going to do with 5 kids and I don’t even get to escape to the studio in the evening. (Note: I teach dance classes in the evening.) We have been managing pretty well. On Monday my teens even spoiled me and got the baby breakfast so I could snuggle in my bed for an extra 30 minutes. The boys have been spending a ton of time outside (thank you Lord for the amazing weather) and during The Bean’s nap time I have been allowed to escape and have coffee with a friend on Monday and yesterday I got to meet my SIL and help pick out her wedding dress. Pretty cool right? (I told you having teens is awesome sometimes.)

So today I was hanging with my kids all day. We got up this morning and hung out and then we trekked off to Chuck E Cheese. Taking my mob anywhere is a task but to some CEC may seem scary but to me it’s awesome. I get to be a kid. Mind you I love video games, so getting to play some of the bigger ones is pretty cool to me. I was rocking out on Guitar Hero (I even had a little groups of fans crowding around), got to take out some killer robots, and was smoking the competition in some high-speed racing. It was cool, and I got to do it with my kids. My teens (who were less than thrilled with CEC) chased around The Bean and I got some QC with my other 2 rugrats. We enjoyed all the greasy fun the place had to offer and when we finally left, everyone was laughing and was in a good time. I know some parents do not like CEC and while I respect your opinion, I suggest removing the stick from your butt and stop being a grown-up for a few hours. Relax and act like a kid and your kids will have more fun with you, too.

After The Bean’s nap time we were all outside playing. And no, not me sitting on the steps, I mean we were all playing. I alternated between tossing the football with Wrestlemania (my 7-year-old) and schooling Mr. Mouth at basketball. We brought out some music and next thing I know we had some other neighbor friends hanging out, too. It was all around a fantastic day. As the sun started to set and I was sitting on back porch enjoying a bottle of wine thinking life is good when I realized…. I AM A COMPLETE FLAKE!!!!! My son had rehearsal for an upcoming performance and we completely forgot. Even he forgot, and by the time I remembered practice was over.

So as I finished my last glass of wine, took in the sounds of laughter and sarcastic teasing going on in my backyard, I came to the conclusion that even when you think you got it all figured out, there is always something else. And that is ok because it keeps life interesting.

Oh, just a piece of advice – greasy pizza and bubbly wine are not a good combo so make sure you have some Tums available. This blender is switching off for now.

With A Spoon

I may be a weird parent, but my kids are just as weird. Anyone remember the AT&T mom, with the mom look? My mom look is so perfected I could stare her down in a nano-second. This is my teens favorite commercial so I’ll share before continuing.

I can look at one of my boys with that look and they know I am serious, I don’t even have to speak to them. It’s kinda cool actually. And when I break out the look and mom-tone, I mean business. So anyway, I was getting on T-Man (my 9 yr. old) about hitting his brother and I told him with the mom face and tone, “If you put a hand on your brother again, I am going to cut your hand off with a spoon.”

He looks me dead in the eye and asks, “Why a spoon?”

Without missing a beat I answered maintaining my mom face & tone, “Because a spoon is dull and it will hurt more.” (Yes, that’s right I stole my answer from Robin Hood and didn’t even blink an eye when I said it. Obviously this answer would not have worked if Mr. T had seen Robin Hood.)

He kinda looked slightly terrified and said yes ma’am, apologized to his brother, and exited the room as quickly as possible. I found it kind of odd that Mr. T seemed far more concerned with what I would use to cut his hand off with and why I would use that instead of the actual act itself.  One of my teens looked at me after the incident was over and asked, “A spoon? Really that is the best you could come up with?”

I smiled and nodded, “Yup, a spoon. Wanna test me?” He laughed and said sometimes I am a scary, weird mom. He has a point, but then again I never had any plans to be nominated for a Mother of the Year award. And my tactic worked because Mr. T hasn’t hit his brother again.

 

So I should say hello, right?

So I used to blog for a different person under a fake name and always found I had more to say than what was needed. After much talk and debate we decided I needed to branch out on my own. Honestly it was more after much urging from her and some other friends. I have been told my home would make a fantastic sitcom but I personally think it would be more like a horror movie or some sci-fi show. Seriously I am not exaggerating; I sometimes think my kids are aliens. Maybe I’m the alien, I guess it depends if you are asking me or the kids.

So I am sitting outside as my kids run around. Did I mention I have 5 boys? And a husband? I am seriously out-numbered in my house. Then my boys have their friends over and it becomes a free-for-all of testosterone. I mean my house is seeping testosterone….. speaking of testosterone I just had to separate a wrestling scuffle between 2 of my boys which resulted in one bloody nose and a skinned up elbow. My neighbors probably think I am crazy. There are days that I think I am crazy.

But I enjoy my life and all the bloody noses, skinned up knees & elbows, tears, smiles, and hugs that come with the territory. My oldest is going to be 15 this summer; I call him Mr. Mouth because he is always talking about something. Anyway, he is dribbling the basketball in the driveway while my 2 year old tries to copy what he is doing with his toddler-size ball. And even though The Bean (baby nickname) has his own toddler size basketball hoop, Mr. Mouth is picking him up so he can make his shot in the big hoop. I’ll be honest there are times when my kids suck and there are moments that they are the coolest kids around.

But that is how life goes when you turn on the blender without the lid on!