Just because I have 5 kids doesn’t mean I want to have 5 more. People are confused. They think that I just want to pop them out because it’s a party for my vagina or something. WRONG! Being pregnant was not some idealized experience for me. It sucked. Labor sucked even more. And I remember every single minute of the pain. Women who say they forget the pain the instant the hold their bundle of joy is full of shit. There might be a momentary lapse based on the euphoria of the moment, but as soon as you go to pee the first time you are feeling something. Then there are the weeks of healing, which suck. Oh, don’t forget the whole concept that you are now someone’s mother for the rest of your life and at least 18 years of that child’s life will be spent under your roof.
Recently I have been asked on numerous occasions, “When are you going to try for a little girl?” Are you kidding me? I am a mom to 5 boys at home and in the evening I teach dance. I get my fill of girls and all things girly. In fact I spent the last week or so realizing that I say the same things and have the same gut-wrenching feelings at home and at the studio. For example…
- Your homework and schoolwork is the most important. I am constantly beating this into my boy’s heads. They want to do everything else first instead of focusing on homework and studying and then doing whatever it is they want to do. SHOCK! Girls are the same way. I am constantly telling my students that their schoolwork is the most important and they cannot use dance as an excuse to slack off. And I ask them about their grades just like I do my boys. I even know when their report cards come out and will be quick to make a student sit out if she needs to study.
- Members of the opposite sex are dumb. I am always telling my boys that at their age girls are just drama and dating is dumb. Now, girls are always wondering why boys are stupid and I am constantly telling them that boys are just drama and dating is dumb. You think they would learn after I have said this a few hundred times but they are teenagers so I repeat myself a lot.
- If you wore your clothes right, I wouldn’t see your underwear. Boys sag their pants. A lot. Mine try hard to get away with it but my husband and I have sufficiently embarrassed them enough that they are pretty good about keeping their pants up. In dance you are supposed to wear a leotard and tights, no panties. But alas girls are constantly wearing their underwear and then are embarrassed when it is noticeable. In fact there was once that I realized I have the same underwear as one of my students. Talk about weird. The bottom line is if you wear your clothes the right way, we will all be happy.
- Mess with one of my kids and I will go all Mama Bear on you. Ok, this is an obvious statement with my boys. I mean I can beat on them and mess with them, but let an outsider mess with them and I will open a can of whoop ass like you have never seen. I would lay my life on the line for them. But of course I would, they are my boys. Now, when I started teaching dance I knew I would become attached. But I had no idea I would fall in love with some of these girls. So when they are hurt I want to hurt someone. One of my girls was getting messed with by this tramp at her school and I heard about some of the stuff that was said, I was mad I could have spit fire. I felt that same rush of I am going to kick someone’s ass come over me and it was all I could do not to run this girl over with my car.
There is so much more but this gives the normal outsider a basic idea. I complain about my boys a lot and there are days when I am counting down the years left on my sentence, but in the end I wouldn’t trade my boys for anything. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they make me cry, and they make me proud.
And then there are my girls. They include me in their talks about their boyfriends (or lack of boyfriends); they ask me about girl stuff (that I am not always the best at answering!!); they include me in dress shopping, little things going on in their lives, and the big things too. They make me smile, they make me laugh, they make me cry, and they make me proud. And I love them all. So when I am asked why I don’t want to try for a girl, I simply give the most honest answer I can. Because I already have 60 girls and between them and my boys, my hands are pretty full.