OMG! I have figured out how to make millions of dollars. I am going to loan my boys out for 30 days to whoever wants to lose weight. That’s it. No exercise required. Although you will be very hungry because they will eat everything – including all the food on your plate!!!
Seriously, I am on the verge of starvation. I hid in the bathroom on Saturday to finish my sandwich. Yesterday I went to work 30 minutes early just so I could enjoy a quiet snack. These boys eat like it is their last day on Earth. And before some do-gooder tells me I need to be more aware of child obesity and that I should control my kid’s portions I have two things to tell you. 1) I like my arms, fingers, and hands and prefer for them not to be bitten off and 2) my boys are the furthest from overweight. They could eat an entire cow every day for weeks and would still run every single calorie off. Don’t believe me – ask their doctor. I want to bottle their metabolism and sell it, too. Maybe in conjunction with the 30 day loan deal??
My point for this rant is actually directed at Mr. Evil himself – The Bean. He may look cute and adorable. He may be jibbering and jabbering at you with those huge brown eyes fixated on you and all the while he is stealing your breakfast!! I am so not kidding. The bean is almost 29 months old and refused to sit in a high chair. Or a booster seat. He has to sit at the table like his brothers. So he was in his seat next to me eating his mini-pancakes (there was like 8!) and I was eating a bowl of cereal. I was chatting with the other kids when Wrestlemania said, “Mom, The Bean is stealing your cereal.” And sure enough fingers and all were in my bowl stealing pieces.
Fine, here finish my cereal. I give him my bowl and go into the kitchen to get another. I thought I was smarter than The Bean. I thought I was craftier. That’s what I get for thinking. I decided to eat in the kitchen standing at the counter. The Bean finished MY first bowl of cereal (and pancakes!). I got about halfway through my cereal when there was a toothpaste malfunction and I was called out of the kitchen. My cereal would be safe on the counter, right? WRONG!
I come back into the kitchen minutes later and that PIMA baby was eating my damn cereal. AGAIN!!! I yelled, “Get off my flippin’ cereal!” He smiled mid-chew and tells me he is hungry. I tell him I am hungry, too. He offers me a bite of my cereal. So I spend the rest of the morning sharing what is left of my second bowl of cereal with The Bean.
So I sit her anxiously waiting until naptime cause I am still hungry but need to make sure the bottomless pit of a toddler I have is asleep so I can eat in peace.